People can write a lot of things about you. People can say a lot of things about you. Sometimes they hurt. Sometimes they don’t hurt at all. Sometimes, they actually just get it right. And they make you cry at 10 o’clock. And you don’t care. Because for one brief moment you are loved and you are happy and you feel absolutely amazing in a way that nobody else can imagine.
This is perfect.
I fear not living my life to its potential.
I fear being stuck in a house where I feel alone and no one wants to hear how my day was.
I fear no one caring about me.
I fear the loss of all these people that I have right now.
I fear the idea of saying goodbye for the final time to some of them.
I fear losing these relationships that are so genuine and real and kind and I fear that one day, I will lose all that holds me together, for it too has the power to tear me apart.
I fear losing four people who helped me to redefine the way I see myself, for I cannot see a world without any of them residing in it.
I already miss them dearly and they are not even gone.
However, I can imagine a world without them there. I can imagine saying goodbye and sometimes, when I’m in the car, I go over the goodbye the way I picture it happening and all it does is hurt me even more. I cry and I am upset and I realize that these are the people who matter. That this is what my family is founded upon. This is who I found myself upon.
I just hope they want me as much as I want them too.